I've decided to start this as a means to get my thoughts in order....perhaps that will flow into my daily life. Maybe. Maybe not. Let's give a go!!!
My name is Maria and I am a stay at home wife and mom. Not what I thought I'd be doing when I was working 3 jobs to get myself through school. I thought I'd work my way up some great career and have some kids along the way. They'd go to the best child care available at about 6 months of age and they would be greatly adjusted while both their parents worked hard.
I had my first child in 2005 and just couldn't see her in the care of someone else - no matter how many super awesome child care providers there are out there. I know it is a choice for some, it's a perfectly good choice for them. Others are force to work or not work, for a variety of different circumstances. This blog is not about justifying one way or another - it is a way for me to work through my own issues with it and other aspects of my life. Just for fun, if you will....
Sometimes my decision stings when I find that I have to stay within my budget constraints. Sometimes when I see my friends go out with their co-workers and seem to have another aspect of their lives that have nothing to do with being a mama. I sometimes long for those endless conversation of travel or career dreams and even complaints!
But I am not unhappy. I am extremely happy indeed. I'm so happy with my decision that I had another child in 2007. I am expecting one later in 2010. I plan to stay home with that child, too, until (s)he goes to school. I consider myself "LUCKY" to stay home. Yes, my children drive me crazy sometimes. Sometimes I'm tired and cranky - especially when, like now, I'm pregnant and chasing after my children. And I find it difficult to cook dinner with two little people hanging on to me.
I once thought I could start a business and work at home from my computer. After all, my undergraduate degree is in Management and International Entreprenuership. For sure I could manage to start my business from home. I have the know how. Both my parents did it. One of my problems with starting my business came from reflecting on my childhood. I recall my parents being very busy with their businesses. Often I was in care of my older siblings. For one, my eldest is only four. I don't think it right to have her help in my responsibility of taking care of my 2 year old. So I figured out that for me, it is not possible to have a business of my own just yet. I am barely able to check my email without them pushing my chair to get my attention. I could put them in their room or in a corner for interrupting me. I could teach them to not do that in all kinds of ways. But I have chosen not to. I don't feel right doing that, I decided to stay home and take care of them. Why would I stay home and do something other than that.
I still get the itch because I sometimes feel as if my degree is being wasted. I have a master degree as well. It is in Management and Information Technology. Many of my fellow students are doing very well in their careers and sometimes I just think of what could have been.
But then my child comes up to me and tells me the darnest things. Or I am making a Valentines craft and my four year old spells something out that I taught her last week. Or I make them a snack and they eat it and thank me and it just feels SO good. I know, some of you might be saying, "I work and I also have these moments with them."
If I worked, I don't think that I would. I'm not that organized of a person. To work and then get things done around the house and have the energy to spend the rest of the time doing quality time with them. I don't think "I" can do it. I know it is possible. I have seen it. I speak for myself and myself only. My husband helps me tremendously and I still get behind on household things - laundry, vacuuming, dusting, etc. Probably because I don't like it....that's another entry.
So this is my first entry. Today I woke up and these were the things going on in "mariaville." Tomorrow I may contemplate my decision to make a soup as oppose to a casserole. We'll have to wait to see what tomorrow brings. Today, I thank God that I have spent a great day with my children.
